About 10 years ago, I went bowling. Standing at the counter, waiting for my freshly aerosoled shoes, I noticed a brightly colored trifold brochure. “Stretches for Bowling.” A professional bowler (I assume) was featured on the cover, doing his best to not exert himself too much by pulling his left arm across his chest.

The first revelation I had: I’ve been bowling in a very dangerous state since I was a child. Tens of games played with nary a stretch. It is a good thing I’m not paralyzed.

Secondly, I began to ponder what other activities I should be warming up for. Cooking? Driving” Reading?

And then, of course, fly fishing. #eureka

Now, I’m not talented enough to put together a full color brochure that includes a model demonstrating the proper technique. So you’ll have to wander through this quagmire and hope for the best. Without further ado, the official…

Casting Across’ 5 Stretches for Fly Fishing

The Bootfoot Toecurl: Before you step into the water, you’ve got to put your waders on. The last thing that you want is a foot cramp sidelining you, leaving you writhing in pain behind the trunk of your car. Curl your toes up, like four or five times.

Upstream Neck Crane: Stuff is going to be happening around you that is just out of your sight. Rises. Bugs on the water. Other, more successful anglers. Don’t add normal neck movement to the list of things that you don’t have going for you. Glance to the left, then to the right, then quickly left again – as if you hear a car door signaling another angler approaching.

Squint and Pinch: Eyes are muscles. Scratch that. Wikipedia says they aren’t. Whatever. You’re going to be squinting for all sorts of things. Especially tiny flies. Plus, you must also coordinate your cold and clumsy thumbs. Squint with both eyes, and, using the forefinger and thumb, pretend to crush the head of the angler who is rigging up and heading to your spot.

Casting Arm Flails: In fly fishing 90% of physical activity is done with 75% of the arm. The rest is all about maintaining balance. To address the bulk of your muscular exertion, you need to stretch your casting arm. Ten-o’clock, two-o’clock is a good place to start while you’re paying attention. After a few minutes, allow your form to descend into utter chaos.

Cross-body Net Reach: Okay, this one isn’t terribly pertinent. Are you really going to catch enough fish to warrant stretching these muscles? On second thought, if you do happen to catch a fish your spastic grasp for the net might tear your rotator cuff. Better do a handful of these. Pat yourself on the back, and again, and again.

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There you have it: the best way to avoid all manner of grievous and unfortunate injuries whilst fly fishing.* You’ll find that your time on the water will be much more pleasurable, and that any onlookers will be very amused.

*Consult with your doctor before you begin any sham fly fishing workout routine.